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Sorry it took so long to get back to this. My life has been... stupidly busy.
Friends with benefits. Has this ever worked for any girl? Any girl at all?
I’m not talking about a guy you slept with once, and then ended up being friends with him instead. And I am not talking about a guy friend you got drunk with and ended up in bed with him, but decided it must never happen again. And I am definitely not talking about bed buddies. We already covered that one.
No, I mean someone you hang out with, and also sleep with, while not intoxicated or in mourning, or anything else. A guy you hang out with regularly while also making out or hooking up for any extended period of time.
I have never been able to do this. And neither have any of my friends. Oh, we all had friendships that turned sexual and became relationships – I’ve had three myself – and we’ve all also made the mistake of sleeping with a guy, and through the many various ways he seemed to be into dating us, ended up confused and short one more guy friend. I believe I called this guy Buddy D.
I suspect this has something to do with my own idea of what a friend truly is. Because I love all my friends intensely; therefore, sleeping with them always leads to trouble.
So… anyone out there had a friend with benefits that worked. I’m dying to know! Tags: girl talk, relationships, sex
At this second I'm:  curious
Background Noise: "Friend Is A Four Letter Word" - Cake
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Now for another topic dear to my heart: The Girl Code.
I am not insane, right? The Girl Code does exist. It exists for a good reason. Girls are competitive bitches; we learn this early, right along with manipulation. For whatever reason, we learn early to pit ourselves against each other. I’d love to say it has something to do with competing for the alpha male, but let’s face it; we’re competing with each other regularly way before boys stop having cooties.
For whatever reason, we need to prove ourselves better than each other. It starts fairly obviously (I have more toys/prettier dresses/longer hair than you) but by the time we’re in our late teens it’s become practically an art form (what, this old thing? I got it at *insert expensive store here*. Oh yeah, it’s the only place I ever shop. But they probably don’t stock in your size, sweetie).
I don’t know about the rest of you, but this ongoing infighting and competition wore me out. I’ll make a quick example. I had two female “BFF!!!!!111!!” in high school. One really was a great friend who adored me, but later confessed she’d had a huge crush on my on-again,off-again,never-again,oh-look-again boyfriend, but would never ever go near him because he was mine - my first truly positive experience with the girl code. The other? Tried to date him the entire time we were friends. Not even kidding. Talk about a stressful friendship. For the record, she eventually did. And this? This is why I had way more guy friends than girl friends. But I digress… that’s yet another post entirely.
But even before these two girls, I knew the Girl Code. Even as the very least popular girl of all time – not kidding; I had absolutely no friends as a child – I knew about the Girl Code. I learned it in locker rooms, in detentions, in watching girls who were tight as hell the day before explode into a million little pieces over something – usually a guy. The Girl Code is instilled in us early, and we adhere to it for years – at least as long as I’ve been alive which, granted, is not that long in comparison to how much longer I will have to live if I continue to be this annoyingly healthy.
But what does this code entail? And why, for God’s sake, do we even have it?
The second part is the easiest to explain. We have it because girls are, on the whole, evil.
Okay, that’s a slight overstatement. But girls are: competitive, controlling, vicious and have a capacity for mental cruelty by the age of nine that most boys will never, ever have. Don’t believe me? Read Cat’s Eye by Margaret Atwood. Those girls were nine. Oh yeah. Girls are truly the fiercer gender.
But once in a very great while, a girl will meet another girl who is none of these things, at least to them. Because a girl like this is so very rare, we have created a whole set of rules to make sure we never lose a friend like that. Guy friends are great and all, but everyone wants a girl friend that’ll go shopping, and pore over magazines, and squeal about cute boys. They also want someone who truly understands when you say “I’ll never love someone like this again!!” while wailing into a pillow, and also truly understands when you say “Kevin who? Oh, right. Kevin.” about the. exact. same. person. Guys will never understand this. Even your gay guy friends will never understand this.
Thus we learn, through trial and error, through gossiping, and through the adult women around us, a somewhat – but only somewhat - flexible code of behaviour towards our girl friends. I say flexible because there are always rules to which each level of friendship applies. For instance, I would never date a truly close friend’s ex without a lot of soul searching and conversation with said friend. A less close friend might not get the same level of consideration. And girls you chat with/hug/worry about in bars? Barely even count.
So here’s the Girl Code – at least the parts I know and adhere to religiously.
NOTE: You may notice many of these rules apply to sex, relationships and guys. That’s because nothing will tear apart a friendship faster than a fight over a guy.
( The Girl Code As I Know And Apply It )
These are just my rules of course. Does anyone else have anything they’d like to add?
I have been informed (by a guy, so who knows how true this is, because guys don’t really know or understand the code) that this disappears as women age. Do you think this is true? And if so, why would it be true? I plan to put my thoughts up later, but they are disjointed and unclear, so I’d love some input. Tags: friendship, girl talk
Background Noise: "My Friend" - Red Hot Chili Peppers
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Okay, Girls! It’s time to start talking frankly. Let’s face it; the sexual revolution has kind of screwed us over. All of a sudden, we’re allowed to enjoy sex. Well, hopefully you all did to begin with because if not, that kind of makes me sad. Why have it if you don’t like it? And if you’re in a relationship and enjoy sex, that’s great! Lucky, lucky you!
But what about those of us who aren’t in a relationship? Maybe we’re not ready for a commitment. Maybe we’re still licking our wounds from a break up. Maybe we just don’t have time. So how are we supposed to get off? Sure, there are plenty of toys, and of course, your hand, and that’s a whole other post, believe me.
Well lucky for us, there’s the whole concept of bed buddies. Not friends with benefits; let’s face it, that hardly ever works for girls. It’s hard to regularly sleep with someone you also hang out with and not start thinking relationship. It just is. We’re not like guys; we’re bad at compartmentalizing things. And that way lays madness and drama. If that’s what you’re into, okay. I think you’re nuts but okay. But if you’re smart and would like to avoid ugly public scenes, buddies are the way to go.
However, there are good buddies and bad buddies. So here, drawn from my vast experience in the area (and I assure you, my allergy to commitment has made my experience vast indeed), are the types of Buddies, and their main characteristics.
( Click Here To Further Your Education )
There you have it. A good guide to the Bed Buddy system. Tags: girl talk, relationships, sex
At this second I'm:  contemplative
Background Noise: "Lady Killer" - Lush
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Hey there everyone who may be left on my friends list! In case you're still listening, I've decided to return to the Blogosphere! But not with Fanfic. And I know that's why most of you are here. Instead, I'm turning around about six million degrees. From now on, this is going to be a place I talk about girl issues. Or woman issues. Or lady issues. Whatever. Basically, I'm going to be writing about topics close to my heart. Like bed buddies. And sex toys. And relationships. And one night stands. And finding a decent man in this brave new sexually revolutionized world that occasionally, feels like it left me behind. I know that's not why most of you are here, so feel free to leave. But if you want to talk about them, stay! Please! And tell others! So they can join the party! If there's anything in particular you'd like to discuss, post a comment! It's a free for all! All my fanfic is going to be removed from this journal, but can be found at my site. If you want the link, please let me know I Missed all of you very much! I hope you still want to play in my part of the sandbox! Alice AKA Nihilistbear At this second I'm:  excited
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I hate people. Not all people mind you. Just the large number of people that fall under the heading “People that Alice hates.”
( Justifiable homicide, folks. I swear )
So killing him is okay, right? Justifiable homicide.
That’s exactly what I will tell the cops when they find his horribly mutilated, gasoline drenched and burned corpse in the dumpster out back. “Justifiable homicide, officer. He had it coming.”
If I am tried by a jury of my peers – those being disgruntled gas station/convince store attendants, I will never, ever be convicted. Because they, like me, have suffered through this asshole‘s work. And they will unanimously say “Justifiable homicide, your honor. He had it coming.
::purrs:: now there’s a happy thought.
Incidentally, for those who have yet to get my slightly wacky and almost always inappropriate sense of humor, I didn’t actually kill the guy. But I did ‘accidentally’ crush his cigarettes. At this second I'm:  murderous
Background Noise: "He Had It Coming" - The Chicago Soundtrack
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My father hates some of the bylaws in my town. To be fair, my father is something of an anarchist, and as idiotic law gets piled upon idiotic law, my father begins obeying fewer and fewer of them.
The latest law has him up in arms like no law before, though. My town is supposed to be fully irrigated, which means everyone is supposed to have access to untreated water at a low price for menial tasks such as car washing and yard maintenance. However, the town has gotten ridiculously big of late, and they didn’t bother to irrigate the new sections. Our reservoir is built for ten thousand people providing all ten thousand have irrigation. The bulk of the town doesn’t. Building costs or something.
When water restrictions were put on the town, not because of a water shortage but because of a water-storage shortage, the older sections (where I and my family live) were put on water restriction as well ‘to be fair’ despite the ridiculous amount of irrigation water passing through the town.
My father is an avid gardener. By avid I mean that until I was twelve and started going elsewhere for dinner, I had never eaten store bought vegetables in my entire life. So restricting water is a very bad thing in my dad’s mind, especially when the water is available.
Others would just whine. Others might even go so far as to possibly show up for a town council meeting and lodge a token protest
But my father, who is one of the democratic process’s last true believers, who believes in standing up for what he thinks is right, who has built this country from scratch like a hundred other labourers, who is seventy-two and done more than his fair contribution to making Canada great, is going to run for town council.
When I grow up, I want to be just like my dad. At this second I'm: proud
Background Noise: "Mouth" - Bush
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Why?
I don’t understand why the world had to be such an ugly place. I don’t understand how any cause you have is worth intentionally killing children over. I don’t know how you can call yourself human when you force parents to choose which of their children have to live and I certainly don’t understand how you can let people like that live.
I just can’t get it. I want to be objective. I want to tell myself that everyone has something decent inside themselves and that desperate measures have to be taken once in awhile.
But all I can say is, I wish to God I had five minutes alone with each of these creatures and a baseball bat. Because they aren’t human. And they aren’t even animals. They are sick bastards who deserve to be put through pain, and maybe that isn’t enlightened or PC or whatever, and maybe I’m not trying to look at it from their viewpoint because I don’t give a fuck. They lost their right to a viewpoint the moment they took hostages from a school full of children.
Soldiers know they put their lives on the line in every situation. So do politicians, journalists, diplomats and police officers.
Children don’t know that by walking into school one morning they might be dead because of some stupid belief that makes no sense. They don’t know they may become pawns in some sick game. They only want to go and see their friends and hate their teachers and complain about homework.
Anyone who uses kids to get their views across deserves to die. Yes, that’s exactly how I feel. I feel the same way about child molesters, serial killers, murderers, most war criminals and abusive parents. You might as well know that now.
And finally, this isn’t an open discussion. This isn’t an entry in which I want to hear about the rights of terrorists, their motivation and what have you. Because I can parrot those exact words back at you without blinking. I took all the courses too; I know all the pretty words just as well as anyone else. I can even use really little words if I must. I just. don’t. care.
Nothing anyone says can justify this. At this second I'm:  angry
Background Noise: "Push" - Matchbox 20
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nihilistbear's journal
Last Mumble
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